It's Always Been You
by CharliDenae
Summary: Alice and Jasper have been friends since they were kids, and Alice has loved him for years, but Jasper lives for his dream, and Alice is just a girl he knows. Written for the Jukebox Contest. 'The Search Is Over' by Survivor. Rated M. AH


Written for The Jukebox contest, hosted by Ange de l'aube and tg1081

PenName: CharliDenae

Song choice: 'The Search is Over' by Survivor

Rating: M

Word Count: 11,840

Pairing: Jasper/Alice

Summary: Alice and Jasper have been friends since they were kids, and Alice has loved him for years, but Jasper lives for his dream, and Alice is just a girl he knows.

Disclaimer: I do not own, or claim to own, any of the characters from the Twilight Saga written by Stephanie Meyers. They are simply being borrowed for creative purposes.

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It's Always Been You

The knock on the door caused Alice's heart to race as she jumped up from her chair. She put her hand on her chest and took in a deep breath. Glancing down, she noticed the yarn that had fallen to the floor from her lap and bent to pick it up. She set it in her knitting basket and turned to the door. Another knock had her hurrying to open it.

"Alice! It's me. Open up!" A deep, muffled voice called. Alice ran her hand through her hair and took another deep breath. She had known it was Jasper the minute she heard his knock and she needed to try to act natural.

The door swung open and there he stood, his hazel eyes shining and a cocky grin on his face. "Took ya' long enough, darlin'." He leaned over to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Alice shivered from the snow on his coat. He kicked off his wet shoes and walked past her, looking around. Spotting the pile of crumpled tissues on the table, he looked at her with concern.

"You all right, Ali?" He gazed at her, taking in her appearance. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were red. Her nose was red, too, and she sniffled.

"I'm fine, Jas." She tried to assure him. "I was just watching a sappy Christmas movie." She watched his face light up in a mocking grin as he took off his coat and hung it on the stair rail.

"Ha! You and your cornball movies." He laughed as he threw himself on her couch and stretched out. She huffed and stood watching him, her hands on her hips.

"To what do I owe this honor, Mr. Whitlock?" She snapped, glaring while he still laughed at her.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Ali." He grinned, adorably and put his hands behind his head and crosses his ankles. "Can't I just come over to see my favorite girl?"

"For your information, Jasper Whitlock, my panties are just fine, thank you very much." At his answering chuckle, she rolled her eyes and plopped into her chair. "I just figured that, this close to Christmas, you'd be hanging on Maria's every word, trying to figure out the perfect present for her."

Truthfully, she was always happy to see him, but she had been feeling maudlin tonight while watching the movie and was a little off-kilter by his presence. She'd been fascinated by him, ever since his family had moved next door when she was five, and he six. His sister, Rosalie, was a couple years older and couldn't be bothered with Alice, but Jasper had been drawn to her from the moment they met. He and Alice talked about everything, and they had become close friends. Sometime during their last few years of high school, Alice's fascination had turned to love, and much to Alice's distress, it continued through college and hadn't faded yet.

"Well," Jasper started, looking uncomfortable as he scratched the back of his neck. "She kind of... dumped me."

Alice drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "Oh?" She said, looking at her knees. "Sorry to hear that, Jas." She looked over to see him watching her, a small grin bringing out the dimple in his cheek.

"No big deal, really." He said, nonchalantly. "She wanted a ring for Christmas! Can you believe that?" He sat up and looked at Alice intently. "What kind of chick asks for a ring after only five months? A desperate one, that's what!" He laughed, and slapped his knee. "I told her she'd get a ring from me, over my dead body! She got pissed and told me to take a hike. Ha! Like that hurt my feelings. I've been thinking of a way to break it off for over three weeks now, anyway."

Alice looked startled at that. "You have?" She blinked in confusion. "But, Jas, just last week you were asking me what to get her for Christmas."

"Yeah, I know." He gave her a sheepish look. "I couldn't do it before Christmas, Ali. It just felt... mean, ya' know?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah, I know." She smiled at him, thinking about what a big softie he was. "So now what are you going to do?"

He looked puzzled. "Whatcha' mean?"

"For a date for the big New Year's party." Jasper had been talking for weeks about the party he and his buddies were having down at the bar they hung out at.

Jasper got a sly look on his face. "Well, I thought that, maybe, my best friend and favorite girl in the whole world, would be my date." He rushed on when he saw how Alice scrunched up her nose. "Come on, Ali! Please? Be a pal!" He got on his knees in front of her, put his hands on her legs and batted his eyelashes, his lips in a pout. "Please! Pretty, pretty please, with chocolate chip cookies on top?"

Alice giggled at his silliness, she could never resist him, and they both knew it. "All right, Jas! Stop!" She rolled her eyes again as he grinned triumphantly in front of her. His blonde hair fell over his gleaming eyes and she felt her stomach flip. She looked down at his big hands on her knees and she could feel the warmth of them burning her skin through her flannel pajama pants. "Jasper! Get up! Geeze!"

Jasper laughed again and jumped to his feet. "Want some popcorn?" He asked, already heading toward the kitchen. She sighed at his antics and gathered all of the sodden tissues to throw away. She entered the kitchen and saw that he was already filling two glasses with cola and had a bag of popcorn popping in the microwave. Jasper nodded at the tissues in her hand as she went to throw them in the garbage.

"Wanna' find another cornball movie so you can add to your pile?" He laughed at her scowl. "I'm serious. Let's find some old, corny movie and turn off all the lights and just get comfy. Come on, Ali! Wanna'?"

"Sure, Jas. I wasn't really doing anything, anyway." Alice told him, grabbing some napkins and the glasses to carry back into the living room. He emptied the popcorn into a big bowl and followed behind her. He set the bowl on the table in front of the couch and took the glasses from her. She started to protest as he set them on the table, too, but he ignored her as he gathered her against him and settled them both on the couch. He reached up and turned off the lamp, then pulled the afghan from the back of the couch over their laps.

Alice sat frozen against Jasper's side as he covered them up. He handed her a glass of cola before grabbing the remote to find a movie on TV. Alice sucked in shallow breaths as she felt the heat from Jasper's body seep into her skin. She finally was able to take a deep breath and his scent wafted around her. He found something on TV and turned slightly to pull her snuggly against his chest, before letting out a sigh of satisfaction as he settled back. Alice let herself enjoy his closeness. She closed her eyes and just breathed him in. She loved their time together and wished for the millionth time that he saw her as a woman, not just as, Darlin' Ali, the girl next door.

"This one good, darlin'?" His deep voice startled her from her daydreams and he reached up to stroke her hair. She nodded and he pulled her tighter against him as he kissed the top of her head. They sat in silence, eating popcorn and watching the movie, when suddenly, Alice felt the overwhelming urge to cry. Jasper shifted and looked into her face. She gave him a watery smile and he chuckled.

"It's not even a sad part. Whatcha' cryin' for?" He reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek as she shook her head.

"I don't know. I just felt... sentimental, I guess." She answered, but what she really felt was lonely. She had a lot of friends, and had even had a few dates here and there, but, since her parents had been killed a couple years ago, she was alone a lot.

"Oh, honey." Jasper crooned, kissing the top of her head again, and rubbing her arm. "You know I'm here for you whenever you need me."

"I know, Jas." She smiled and gazed up at him, her dark, blue eyes sparkling in the light from the TV. He gazed deep into her eyes and her smile faded. She felt alarm run through her and she started to pull away from him as he leaned forward. He jerked slightly, as though startled, and looked confused for a second. Catching himself, he laughed self-consciously and reached for the popcorn.

Alice wondered what he was thinking as she let him settle her against him again. If she knew him as well as she thought she did, he was beating himself up for his near-indiscretion. She almost giggled remembering his startled expression, but held it in and made herself watch the movie. As much as she wanted them to have a real relationship, she would never risk it. Jasper's friendship meant too much to her. If something happened and they broke up, she would lose the most important person in her life. She knew she couldn't handle that. She had lost too much already.

Jasper chewed on his popcorn as his mind screamed at him. He had almost kissed Ali! What the hell? She was missing her parents and here he was, about to start making out with her? Holy shit!

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. She looked adorable, as usual, with her shiny, dark hair falling around her shoulders, and her pert, little nose all scrunched up as she watched the movie. She had on a white T-shirt and a pair of light pink, flannel pajama bottoms. Her feet were bare, he'd seen her tiny toes peeking out from under the flannel, and she had her dad's light blue sweater on, the too-long sleeves pushed up over her hands. He watched her for a few minutes as she chewed her lip and then took a drink of her soda. She reached down and pulled the afghan up to her chest and Jasper's eyes widened as he noticed her breasts. When the hell had she gotten those, he wondered. He had never noticed her chest to be that full before. His eyes roamed over her again, and he felt a slight stirring in his jeans. Oh my God! He could not be thinking of Alice like that. He just could not go there. She was his friend, a vulnerable girl who had no family and counted on him to be there for her. He couldn't turn into some... pervert... and start lusting after her.

He sat up in a panic and Alice gasped as she was pushed off of him. "Jasper? What is it?" Her voice rose when she saw his face.

"I... I forgot... something. I... gotta' go! Um... sorry, Ali." He was off the couch and had his shoes on before she even realized what he'd said. He grabbed his coat and flew out the door, slamming it behind him. She heard his truck start and squeal out of the driveway and go roaring down the road. Alice sighed in disappointment. 'Probably some girl he forgot to call.' she thought, as she settled back into the warm spot he had left on the couch. She sighed again, this time in contentment, as his scent surrounded her once again, and she drifted off to sleep.

. . . . . . . .

Jasper ran his hand through his shaggy, blonde hair as he chewed on his lip. He had to stop thinking of Alice and get back to work. He tapped the pencil he was holding against the desk, and tried to focus on the papers spread out in front of him. He needed to finish these plans today. Construction started on the hotel a week from Monday, and the builder needed the final blueprints so he could get copies to his foremen. He sighed and looked up at the clock again. Maybe he should just go over to Alice's when he was done, and talk to her. She always helped him out when he was confused about a girl. She didn't have to know he was talking about her.

He finished up the final changes on the plans and, rolling them up, stuffed them into their cardboard tube. He'd drop them at the builders' on his way to Alice's. He shrugged into his coat and carried the plans out to his truck. A few snow flurries drifted lazily from the sky and he remembered that a winter storm had been forecast for tonight. 'Great,' he thought as he started his truck, 'like they hadn't gotten enough snow already this year.' Well, at least they didn't have to worry about not having a white Christmas. In all the years since he had moved from Texas to Wisconsin, he didn't recall a single Christmas that they hadn't had snow. He chuckled to himself as he pulled out of the parking lot and wondered what he should tell Alice.

"Great..." muttered Alice, as she heard the truck pull into her driveway. She sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by boxes and tissue paper. She took one more long look at the ornament in her hand before setting it back in its box and getting to her feet. She reached the door just as a hard knock sounded. She plastered a smile on her face and pulled the door open.

"Hi, honey!" A grinning Jasper called. "I'm home!" Alice rolled her eyes and beckoned him in. He took off his coat as his eyes roamed over the room. Alice brushed past him and began to pick up sheets of tissue paper and stuff them back into boxes. "Decoratin' your tree, huh?"

"Yeah." She said, keeping her eyes down, intent on her task. Jasper kicked off his shoes and began to stuff tissue into boxes, as well.

"Need some help?" He asked, nonchalantly, taking a peek at her from under his lashes. He'd noticed as soon as he saw her that she'd been crying again. Alice straightened and smiled at him, so he straightened and smiled, too.

"Would you?" Alice asked, eagerly. "That would be so great!" She was practically bouncing with excitement. It had been a long afternoon going through her family's Christmas decorations alone. She had cried over more than one cherished ornament, and it was so hard to get into the Christmas spirit when all you wanted to do was weep.

"Sure. My parents have had their tree up for a week already, and I'm not planning to put one up at my place. It'll be fun." Jasper told her, taking the tissue she was holding and stuffing it into an empty box. He set the box aside and turned to her, an expectant smile on his face. "Where do we begin?"

Alice grinned at him. She couldn't believe he offered to help her decorate her tree. She hadn't seen him in over a week, since the night he had bolted out the door, and she had only heard from him once, when he called to ask her if she was coming to Christmas dinner at his parents'. "Well, I guess we should put the lights on first." She offered, looking around her for the lights. Spotting them in a big box by the couch, she went over and pulled them out.

As she bent over, Jasper noticed how the fabric of her slacks pulled across the roundness of her bottom. She stood up and her sweater rode up, showing a sliver of her creamy belly. He wondered how that small strip of skin would taste as she pulled her top back down. His eyes slid up to where her breasts were plainly outlined by her sweater. He licked his lips as he saw her nipples were puckered, probably from the cold when he'd come in the door. She was saying something, but he didn't really hear her, his own thoughts too loud. 'Stop it, Jasper, ya' perv! What the hell is wrong with you?' Jasper couldn't stop himself from watching her, though. She had always been beautiful, but he couldn't believe how sexy she had become, and he didn't even know when it had happened.

"Jasper? Did you hear me?" Alice complained, as Jasper's eyes finally focused on her face.

"Huh?" He grunted as his mind cleared. "Sorry, Ali. What did you say?"

"I asked you if you wanted something to drink?" She said, taking the ties from around the string of Christmas lights in her hands.

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'll get it while you finish getting the lights ready, okay?"

Alice agreed, and Jasper escaped into the kitchen. Damn! He'd thought that coming over here would stop him from thinking about Alice so much, but all it had done was make him want her more. He ran his hands over his face. What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't let her know about his thoughts, he'd scare her away and he couldn't lose her. Besides, he wouldn't leave her alone over the holidays. No way would he do that to her. He'd just have to fake it and hope that his ardor would cool.

Jasper stopped suddenly, a new thought popping into his head. He needed a new girlfriend, that's what was wrong with him. He smiled at his realization. It wasn't Alice so much as he just hadn't been with anyone in a while.

Jasper poured two glasses of juice, smiling at his revelation. Here he'd been all worried that he was lusting after his best friend, and he'd just been horny and working too hard. He hadn't even realized how long it'd been since he'd gotten laid. Shit! He and Maria had been fighting long before the ring issue had come up, so it had been at over three weeks.

Feeling extremely relieved as he carried the juice back into the living room, Jasper hummed along with the carol playing on the radio. Alice turned and smiled at him as he entered the room, and her smile went straight to his groin. He almost groaned out loud, but his eureka moment in the kitchen, helped him to control his thoughts and he handed Alice her glass, mentally ordering the party in his pants to calm down.

"There!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands. "Oh, Jas, it looks wonderful!" She bounced on her toes, her eyes alight with happiness as she surveyed the decorated tree. Jasper averted his eyes away from her buoyant breasts and smiled at her enthusiasm.

"It does look nice, Ali. I think we did a pretty good job." He agreed.

"A pretty good job?" Alice asked in mock disgust. "We did a great job!" She giggled and hugged herself. "It looks... dazzling!" She threw her arms wide and spun around. She laughed at her own silliness and grinned at Jasper. "Thank you so much for helping me, Jas. I've had such a good time."

"Me, too, Ali. It was a lot of fun. I haven't decorated a tree in years." Jasper confessed, watching the colored lights blink on and off. He blinked in surprise as Alice launched herself at him and wrapped him in a tight hug. He automatically wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. He lowered his nose into her hair and breathed in her unique fragrance. He felt himself getting hard, but he didn't care. He held Ali in his arms and she felt so good.

Alice pulled out of Jasper's arms and looked at the tree again. She sighed in pleasure and reached out to straighten a crooked ornament. She stepped back again, surveying their handiwork once more and asked Jasper if he'd like to stay for dinner.

Jasper scratched his head, trying to think of an excuse not to stay. "Uh... well, Ali, I..."

"Oh, come on, Jas. You've been here all evening and haven't said one thing about needing to be somewhere. Stay and eat with me. Please?" Jasper looked into her sparkling blue eyes and nodded.

"All right, you... girl... you." He said, not able to think of one excuse why he couldn't stay.

Alice laughed. "Girl? Is that the best you could come up with? You... _girl_... you?" Jasper reached out and ruffled her hair.

"Yeah! That's the best I could come up with. What of it?" He taunted, reaching around her to tickle her in different spots as she tried to stop him, giggling uncontrollably. He watched her happy face and his heart swelled. She was everything he wanted, but did he dare risk everything for something she may not want, too?

Alice chatted happily as they sat on the couch sharing a pizza. There was an old, black and white Christmas musical on the television, and the light from the TV, along with the colorful twinkling Christmas lights, lit up Alice's eyes like stars. Jasper watched her mouth move as she spoke and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He wanted to kiss her so bad, but he didn't know how she'd react, so he didn't dare, but it was getting harder and harder to resist her.

"I told her, 'Bella, you have to just go for it if you want him that bad.' And do you know what she said to me?" Alice asked, her whole body animated with amusement. When he shook his head, she continued. "She said that she didn't know if she could because every time she looked at him, she felt like she was going to throw up." Alice laughed, holding her stomach as she did. "Jasper, I swear, she actually turned green. I thought she was going to be sick right there!"

Jasper laughed. "Are you talking about Bella Swan?" Alice nodded, her eye brow arched.

"Haven't you heard a word I've said?" Alice pouted. "Jasper Whitlock! You are such a... _boy_!" Alice laughed at her play on his earlier words and he chuckled at her lame humor.

"Well, Miss Brandon. If you are talking about Bella Swan, I happen to know that Edward Cullen has it bad for her."

Alice gasped. "He does?" Jasper nodded, a smug smile on his handsome face. Alice let out a whoop and threw herself into Jasper's arms. "Oh my God! She is going to freak, when I tell her!" She kissed Jasper's cheek. "Thank you for telling me that, Jas!" She pulled back and looked at Jasper's face. "She is going to be so happy."

Suddenly, Alice stopped talking and her eyes grew wide. She stared at Jasper's face, a sense of panic gripped her, making it hard to breath. Jasper held her gaze frozen in his own as he lowered his head. His lips grazed hers in a feather-light kiss, and Alice sighed, her lids fluttering closed. Taking that as the encouragement he needed, Jasper's arms came around her and he deepened the kiss. He slanted his mouth over hers again and again, his hands up under her sweater, roaming over the silky skin of her back. He groaned at the feel of her. Her taste like nothing he had ever tasted before. He couldn't get enough of her and he crushed her to his chest. He gasped at the feel of her breasts flattened against his chest and he began to lower her back onto the couch.

Alice felt herself tilting and she grabbed onto Jasper's arms for support. Her whole body was tingling and Jasper's warmth was setting her on fire. The burning sensation started out in her lower belly, but had slowly consumed her whole body as she'd barely been able to believe that Jasper was actually kissing her.

The fog in Alice's brain began to clear a little as she felt an unusual sensation. Instantly, Alice realized that it was Jasper's... hardness... pressing into her, and she felt panic rising up to choke her. She put both hands on Jasper's chest and pushed as hard as she could. Her whole body went cold and her chest felt on the brink of exploding as he jerked, abruptly brought back to reality, just like she had been. He stared down at her, his face frozen in shock. She figured that she must have a similar expression on her face as she stared up at him.

Slowly, her mind started to tick again and a sense of outrage filled her. She pushed at him again and he sat up off of her. She scrambled away from him and rushed to the other side of the room.

"I c-can't... b-believe you!" She cried, tears springing to her eyes, her arms wrapped around her middle. "I know you're between... g-girlfriends... but to do th-that... to _me_? H-how... c-could you?" Her voice shook as she staggered under the weight of her pain. "G-g-get out!" She sobbed, tears streaming down her face.

"No! Ali, you don't understand." Jasper cried, defending himself. "I wasn't trying to... I didn't mean to..." He stuttered, trying to think of the correct words. "I just... you looked so... I care about you... so, so much! I would never... never hurt you... not on purpose." Jasper started over to her, his hands out at his sides.

Alice threw out her hands to ward him off. "D-don't! Don't c-come near m-me!" She shrieked, tears blinding her so that all she could see was his silhouette moving in front of her. She felt him try to take her into his arms and she slapped at him. "Leave. Me. Alone. I w-want you to... g-go!"

She felt him touch her face, cupping it in his big, warm hands. "Ali! Listen to me." He demanded. "I am not leaving until you listen to me." She opened her eyes and tried to focus on his face. She felt his thumbs wiping the tears away and she choked as she drew in a deep breath. Fighting for control, she made herself listen to Jasper's words.

"Alice. Please. Listen to me." Jasper pleaded, holding her face still and staring intently into her eyes. Seeing her finally calm and focused on his face, he drew in a strengthening breath. "I didn't mean to do that, Ali. I swear I would never hurt you. I was just... overwhelmed... by the lights, and the movie, and how... sweet you are." He searched her eyes for any sign that she understood him. She stared back at him, wide-eyed and vulnerable. "Ali, I care about you. I would do anything for you. Please, believe me when I say that I wouldn't hurt you for the world."

Alice blinked as his words slowly started to make sense. "I... b-believe you... J-Jas..." She choked out, her lips numb with shock. She felt Jasper stroking her face and she became aware again. She looked into his eyes. "Why?" She asked in a whisper. She watched his face as shame came over him.

"Ali, I got lost in the... mood, I guess. I'm so sorry. Please... can we forget it happened and go back to being just you and me?" His face looked so boyish in his hope, that Alice had no choice but to agree. He smiled in relief. "Thank God." He breathed as he hugged her to him. "I couldn't live without you, Ali. I couldn't." He pulled back to look down at her once more. "You have been my best friend for so long. My life would be so empty without you in it."

"Me, too, J-Jas. I c-c-couldn't... imagine..." Her voice broke as tears filled her eyes once more.

"Oh, Ali. I wouldn't ever abandon you, darlin'. I promise." He hugged her to him again, and rocked her sobbing form.

Things didn't go back to normal for them, though, as much as they tried. Jasper found himself avoiding Alice, and Alice dreaded going to his parents' house for Christmas. She had spent her days since last seeing Jasper, going over old family pictures and sobbing. Not very conducive to having a jolly holiday spirit, she knew, but she missed her old life so much.

Christmas dawned bright and cold as Alice gathered her gifts for the Whitlocks together, and made her way next door. She was a little less than half way, when Jasper pulled up in his truck and jumped out to help her.

"Merry Christmas, darlin'! Let me help you with those." He took most of the packages from her arms and held her elbow as she picked her way through the snow. They reached the front door and it was flung open before Jasper could reach for the door knob.

"Ali!" Jasper's dad exclaimed, pulling her into his arms for a big hug. "Long time, no see, Munchkin." He grinned at her and Alice felt her mood lighten. How could she be depressed with Jackson Whitlock in the house? He led her into the house and took the rest of the packages from her. He set them by the tree in the corner, and came back to take her coat. "It's been ages, sweet pea. I sure have missed you."

Alice nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I've just been so... b-busy, lately." She lied. She glanced over at Jasper to see him watching her, knowing that he knew she was lying, and she raised her chin as though daring him to contradict her.

"Well, you have to make time to come and see us for dinner once in a while. We really miss you, honey." Jackson hugged her again and led her into the kitchen. "Look who's here, Lynnie!"

Jasper's mom made over her and scolded her for being so skinny as she wrapped her in her arms. Alice had to fight back the tears that threatened at the motherly embrace. She clung to Jasper's mom and Lynn, sensing that Alice needed her, shooed the boys from the kitchen.

"How ya' doin', sweet pea?" Lynn asked as Alice drew away. She saw the light sheen of tears in her eyes and clucked at her while grabbing a tissue.

"Not so good, Mama Whitlock." Alice admitted. "I m-miss my m-mom... and... d-daddy... so... so much." A tear slid down her cheek and Lynn engulfed her once more in her motherly embrace.

"Sweet girl, why didn't you come to me? You know I'm always here for you." Lynn soothed her, mumbling words of love and comfort. Soon, Alice felt better and they finished preparing Christmas dinner, chatting all the while.

"Well, dinner is almost ready." Lynn called as she came into the living room where the men sat watching TV. Jasper looked questioningly at his mom, but she shook her head slightly, a small frown on her face, as Alice trailed behind her. Jasper noticed the dried streaks on her face and felt his heart ache for her. The holidays were such a hard time for so many.

"What do we have to do around here, to get a big, strong man to make us an egg nog?" Lynn teased, lowering herself into a chair. Alice perched on the couch a few feet from Jasper and looked down at her hands. She had never felt so awkward at his parents' house before.

She looked up as Jasper stepped in front of her with a cup of egg nog. "Thank you, Jas." She told him in a soft voice, looking back down. Jasper sat next to her and his knee brushed her leg, causing her to jump and look up at him. He was staring intently down at her and she blushed. He cocked an eyebrow at her, as though trying to communicate with her in silence, but she had no idea what he was asking, so she just smiled and took a sip of her drink.

The four people chatted about nothing in particular and then moved as a group into the kitchen when Lynn announced that the food should be done. Everyone helped to bring the food into the dining room where a lavish table was set. After a wonderful meal, they cleared the table and then made their way back to the living room to open gifts.

Alice was thrilled with the gifts she received, but she was uncomfortable with how much they had spent on her.

"Nonsense, my dear!" Jackson admonished her. "You're like the daughter we never had."

Alice giggled because she knew he adored Rosalie. "Well, since you put it that way..." Alice grinned, knowing that Rosalie would be there soon. She had eaten dinner with her boyfriend, Emmett's family this year. "I guess I'll have to accept these lovely gifts then."

They chatted and played with the new video system Jasper had bought for his parents, when they heard a commotion at the door. Rosalie and Emmett came in, snow on their coats and their arms full of packages. "Merry Christmas, everyone!" Emmett cried as he put the presents by the tree and gave everyone tight hugs. "How are you, little Ali?"

"I'm good, Emmett, thank you." Alice said, grinning at him. He was so imposing to look at, but a big teddy bear once you got to know him. "How are you?"

"Terrific!" Emmett enthused, his eyes shining as he winked at her. He grabbed at Rosalie as she ventured past him and put his finger over his lips as Alice's eyes widened when she noticed the ring on Rose's finger. Rose smacked at Emmett, her eyes dancing, and gave Alice a tight hug.

"How're you doing, Ali?" She asked her, noticing the dark shadows around her eyes.

Alice ducked her head. "I'm okay." She said softly. Rosalie rubbed her arm sympathetically, then jumped when she heard her dad's booming voice.

Jackson tore Rosalie from Alice and Emmett's side as he spotted the sparkling ring on her finger. "What is this?" He hollered, his twinkling eyes belying his frown. "Emmett finally making an honest woman of ya', is he?"

Alice watched as Lynn's hand flew to her mouth and she let out a shriek as she pulled Rosalie into her arms. "Oh my God! Rose!"

The girls laughed and bounced together as they hung onto each other. Jackson and Jasper congratulated Emmett, Jackson patting his back and Jasper shaking his hand. Alice stood with a small smile on her face, watching as though through a window from outside. She was happy for Rosalie and Emmett, but she wondered if she'd ever find such happiness.

"I hear congratulations are in order for you, as well, Jas." Emmett exclaimed, still shaking Jasper's hand vigorously. "Boston, huh? Pretty nice."

Alice's ears perked up. What had Emmett said about Boston? She watched the Whitlocks closely as Lynn's face clouded somewhat. "Yes, Boston. I can't say that I'm terribly happy about him going so far away, but I know this position means everything to him."

"Mom... " Jasper sighed, as she reached up to stroke his hair.

"Well, it's not every day that a mother's only son moves over a thousand miles away from her." Lynn scolded sadly, but playfully.

Alice sat frozen on the couch. '_No! He wouldn't. Would he?'_

The thoughts were whirling in her head. '_He was moving to Boston and hadn't even mentioned it to her?'_She jerked her stricken eyes up to his face as he joked with his family. '_He said he'd never abandon me.'_ She felt the room tilt as she fought to catch her breath and keep the black spots at bay. Her stomach jolted and she felt like she was going to be sick all over Mama Whitlock's pretty cream-colored carpet.

Jumping up from the couch, she caught everyone's attention as she squawked out the words that had been stuck in her throat. "I've got to go! I'm... not feeling very well. Thank you for everything. I'll get my stuff tomorrow. Merry Christmas!" She grabbed her coat and ran out the door before anyone had time to make sense of what she was saying.

Closing the door and collapsing against it before sliding to the floor, Ali wept for her loss. She didn't know how she could go on without him in her life. Her head aching and a burning hole in her chest, she crawled over to the couch and climbed up to curl into the cushions. Maybe she'd go to sleep and never wake up, that was the only cure for her pain, to just not exist any more. She sobbed into the night, eventually falling asleep somewhere near dawn, only to wake up with a raging headache a few hours later. She stumbled to the kitchen for some tea, popping a sleeping pill while she waited for the water to boil.

Her heart felt heavy as she took her cup of tea back out to the living room. She pulled on her dad's old blue sweater and settled down in the comfy big chair in front of the TV. She had no idea what she should do, but she knew she couldn't just sit around the house any more. She didn't need a job, the settlement from her parents' deaths had left her more than comfortable, but she needed to do something more than just volunteer down at the shelter. Deciding that she would start looking for a purpose first thing tomorrow, she finished her tea and made her way to her room to get some sleep.

"Ali!" A voice called, followed by more pounding on the door. Alice mumbled as she made her way to the door. Didn't he ever call before he came over? She fumbled with the lock and yanked the door open. Just as he banged on it with his fist again. His startled eyes took in her appearance as he lowered his hand. He pushed past her into the house and she closed the door with a loud click.

"What do you want, Jas?" She muttered as she collapsed onto the couch. She felt almost too weak to stand and her head ached unbearably. She opened her eyes to see him kneeling in front of her, his hand reaching up to push the hair off of her forehead.

"Ali? Why didn't you call me?" He asked her, worry creasing his brow.

She pushed his hand away, growling for him to stop. "I was sleeping. I told you yesterday that I wasn't feeling well, Jas. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because, I care about you, Ali. I knew you were going to be upset about the Boston thing. I asked my mom and dad not to say anything until I knew for sure." Jasper ran his hand through his hair and looked regretful. "I didn't think about Rose or Emmett saying anything."

Alice looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "When were you going to tell me?" She asked in a whisper.

"Um... well, probably in a week... or so... " He muttered, guiltily. When she turned accusing eyes to him, he tried to defend himself. "Ali, I'm not sure if I'm moving there permanently, or not, and I didn't want to upset you until I knew for sure. Besides, I'm not going until the end of January." Jasper insisted, trying to get her to believe him.

"It's not a big deal. I know your success as an Architect means a lot to you, Jas." Alice looked up at him. "I just wish you would've told me before. It was a... shock."

Jasper's face crumpled even more. "I know, honey. I'm so sorry. I should've told you."

Alice tried to brighten the mood. She plastered a big smile on her face. "Well, you must be excited. Moving to Boston means you're going to design the new Beauport building, right? That's a big deal."

Jasper's whole face lit up at the mention of the building he'd been working religiously on for so long. "It is a big deal, Ali. It could make or break my career. I turned in the plans for the new hotel downtown, you know I've been working on that for a while, too. Anyway, the partners were so impressed that they asked to see my Beaumont plans again. The next day, they brought me in for a meeting and they threw Boston at me." Jasper chuckled, a far-away look in his eyes. "I could be famous someday if I keep going like this." He looked at Alice again. "Can you imagine, Ali? They could even name one of my buildings after me." He slapped his leg, looking pleased. "The Whitlock Building, I can see it now."

Alice kept the smile plastered on her face as she watched him. His dream was a big one and he was talented enough to pull it off. "I'm really happy for you, Jas. You've worked long and hard for this opportunity."

Jasper looked relieved. "Then you're not mad at me?"

"Of course not, this is what you've been working so hard for. Who am I to be mad at you, anyway?" Alice told him, the smile never wavering. She knew her words were right, too. Who was she to be upset that he was leaving? He didn't owe her anything, and it wasn't his job to stay and babysit her. She'd just have to find her own dream.

. . . . . . . .

Alice looked at herself once more in the mirror and turned off the light as she walked out. She'd told Jasper that she'd meet him at the party since he lived so close and she was way out in the county. She parked in the lot at his condo and walked down the sidewalk to the club a couple of his friends owned. As she walked in, she paused to look around and shook her head with a laugh. They had gone all out. Streamers and balloons were everywhere, along with glittery decorations, centerpieces made out of huge champagne glasses and confetti.

She walked over toward the bar where Jasper's good friend, Paul, was mixing drinks. "Hey Paul!" She called when he saw her standing there.

"Hey, Ali! I'm so glad you could make it." Paul called happily. "Can I fix you a drink?"

Alice smiled at him and shook her head. "No, thanks. I'm looking for Jas. You seen him?"

Paul laughed. "Yeah, he's somewhere around here. He brought his new girlfriend, a real looker, too, so he might even be in the back." Paul wiggled his eyebrows and laughed again. "You never know with Jas."

The smile slid off of Alice's face._'Yeah, you never did know with Jas.'_She thought, anger heating her cheeks._'Damn him! He'd begged her to come to this party with him, even though he knew she didn't want to, and then he brings a date?'_She turned as she heard his familiar laugh behind her. He caught sight of her and his face lit up.

"Ali!" He cried, grabbing her up. "You made it." She nodded as he set her down and looked her over. His eyebrows rose into his hair. "Wow! You look great!" He said as he took in her short, tight dark blue dress. It was similar to the color of her eyes and, though it was more revealing than she usually liked, she'd decided to buy it anyway. It was New Year's Eve, after all.

Just then, a tall, busty blonde girl walked up and latched onto Jasper's arm. She looked down her nose at Alice and whispered in Jasper's ear. Jasper got an evil grin on his face and chuckled as he put his arm around the girl. Alice stood there, humiliated, as the girl treated her so rudely.

Finally, Jasper remembered that Alice existed. "Ali, this is my new uh... friend, Lauren." He turned to the girl. "Lauren, this is my good friend, Alice. Remember I told you about her?"

Lauren looked down at Alice and simpered like she was talking to a small child. "It's so nice to meet you, Ali. I've heard a lot about you."

Alice gritted her teeth, why did Jasper always go out with these nasty, catty girls? "It's nice to meet you, too, Lauren." She gritted out, her smile forced.

"Well, grab a drink, Ali, and have fun." Jasper told her, grinning and running his hand up and down Lauren's waist.

"Thanks, Jas." Alice said through clenched teeth. She turned to leave as Jasper began nuzzling the bitch's neck and she ran into Bella who was holding hands with Edward Cullen. Her eyes widened and her mouth curved in pleasure. Bella had been in love with Edward since they'd met at one of Alice's parents' barbeques about four years ago. She'd just recently gotten up the courage to approach him when they'd run into each other at a coffee shop a couple weeks ago.

"Hi, Ali!" Bella greeted her. "You know Edward, right?"

Alice grinned at them both. "Of course. Hi, Edward, it's great to see you."

"You, too, Ali. How've you been doing?" Edward asked politely his hand still in Bella's.

"Good, Edward... good." Alice tried to sound convincing as she answered. "I've been really good."

"Glad to hear it. You wanna' grab a table with Bella and me?" He asked, much to Bella's delight.

Alice just wanted to escape, but she couldn't dismiss the pleased look on Bella's face. "All right, I'll stay for a little while." She said as she followed them to a table off to the side and against the wall.

Alice was miserable. She'd chatted with Bella and Edward for a long time, but then, as the party got wilder, and the music got louder, it was almost impossible to hear each other. Soon, Edward asked Bella to dance and Alice thought she'd slip out. As she stopped by the bar to say good-bye to Paul, she heard raised voices and turned to see Jasper's newest bimbo yelling at him.

Jasper looked embarrassed as he tried to calm her down, but she continued to rage at him. Finally, she turned on her heel and stormed out the door. Once the door closed behind her, everyone started clapping and cheering. Jasper just shook his head, a goofy smile on his face, and went over to Paul.

"What was that all about?" Paul asked as he handed Jasper a drink.

"God! I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?" He said as he downed the drink. "She was pissed because I didn't want to meet her parents tomorrow morning for brunch. Jesus! I just met her a week ago. What the hell?" Jasper motioned for another drink and Paul replaced his glass with a new one.

"What you need, Jas, is a good girl like our little Ali, here." Paul said as he nodded toward Alice standing a couple feet away from him.

Jasper looked toward her and smiled. "Oh! Hey, Ali." Then he looked concerned. "Hey! You're not leaving already, are you? It's not even midnight, yet."

"Well, I was supposed to meet my date here, but he stood me up for another girl, so I figured I'd call it a night." Alice told him, trying to be heard over the music.

Jasper looked surprised. "You were supposed to meet someone here?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "You, Jas." She stated, looking intently at him.

Understanding dawned on Jasper's face. "Awwww, Ali. I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd mind, you know, if I brought a date... I mean, a real date... " He shook his head and his face reddened. "You know what I mean."

Alice nodded. "Yes, Jasper, I know what you mean." She said, then she looked at Paul who was standing there slowly shaking his head at Jasper. "Good night, Paul. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Ali. Be safe going home." Paul called as he went to refill another drink.

"Ali, you can't leave." Jasper said as he grabbed onto her arms. "Stay with me, please? I'll make it up to you. We'll have fun, you'll see."

Alice looked around, slowly shaking her head.

"You have to, Ali. You can't leave, it's New Year's Eve." He pleaded, his eyes begging and his mouth in a pout.

She supposed she'd have more fun here then at home alone. "Okay, Jas. I'll stay for a little while."

He let out a whoop and hugged her to him. When he released her, he pulled off her coat, grabbed her hand and dragged her to dance. Alice enjoyed herself after that. She knew a lot of the people there and Jasper made sure he stayed by her side, plying her with drink after drink and dancing with her when they weren't visiting with his friends. By the time midnight arrived, Alice was wobbly on her feet and feeling no pain. She'd had a lot to drink, but she was having a great time.

Paul and another of Jasper's friends, Jacob, owned the bar together, and they started passing out noise makers and hats a half hour before midnight. Everyone was ready when the clock struck twelve and the cheering and noise was deafening. People were kissing and hugging and Jasper picked Alice up and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back for all she was worth. Soon, they were making out heavily and a few people made cat calls and someone yelled, 'Get a room.'

Alice blushed and Jasper chuckled as he gazed down into her pretty, flushed face. They danced some more and, at about 2:00 AM, people started making their way home. Jasper and Alice said their good-byes and started weaving down the sidewalk to Alice's car. They had both had a lot to drink and, when Alice stumbled a few times, Jasper looked at her worriedly.

"Ali, I don't think you should drive. Stay with me tonight and go home in the morning." He told her as they reached his condo.

Alice nodded and stumbled again as Jasper escorted her into the building and up to his place. Once inside, he found her one of his T-shirts and Alice got ready for bed.

"You can sleep in my bed, Ali." Jasper told her as he came into the bathroom where she was changing.

Alice gasped and tried to cover herself with her hands. Jasper's eyes caught fire as he roamed her body. He took in her sexy navy-colored underwear and thigh-high stockings and licked his lips.

"Ali... " He breathed. "You look... beautiful." He took a step toward her and Alice felt her heart stop. She wanted one night with Jas. She could always say she was drunk and didn't realize what she was doing. He was moving away anyway, so it wasn't like they would run into each other afterward.

As he pulled her against him, Alice made her mind go blank. The hazy buzz she had from all the alcohol she'd consumed, helped immensely, and she just let herself enjoy the feel of Jasper's lips on her skin.

Jasper's foggy brain tried to warn him, but he conveniently ignored it as he tasted Alice's fragrant skin. He groaned as he hauled her against his chest and cupped her round butt in his big hands. He felt her tiny hands gripping his shoulders and he turned and carried her into his room. He laid her on the bed, his mouth never leaving her satiny skin, and ran one hand down over the soft skin above her stocking. The feel of the silky stocking and then her satiny skin above, turned his gut into a raging inferno. He attacked her mouth and his hands explored her body until she was gasping. He couldn't believe how sexy his little Ali looked. If he'd have noticed before what she'd had under her clothes all these years, he may have done this long ago.

He trailed his rough fingers down her belly and under the waistband of her sexy navy panties. He could feel the dampness of the material and her curls as he delved into her warmth. She was soaking wet and creamy, so ready for him. She squirmed against his fingers and let out a sexy little mewling sound. The hardness brushing his abdomen twitched and broke out the top of his boxers, seeking her heat with a mind of its own. Pushing down his boxers, he kicked them away and proceeded to slide her panties down her shapely legs. His face went to the valley between her breasts and he moved the material of her bra away with his mouth as his hands fumbled with the clasp. Freeing them with a little bounce, Jasper moaned as he sucked one rosy peak between his lips, his hands pushing the lacy cups to the side.

"Oh God, you feel so good... so hot..." He growled as he positioned himself at the entrance to her heat.

Alice thrashed her head on the bed. Her whole body was on fire and the ache between her legs was actually painful. She writhed and shook as she felt his fingers stroking her again, the tip of his hardness nudging where she needed him the most. She raised her hips and he slightly entered her body. The heat of their joining was almost more than she could take as she gritted out encouragement and tried to force him in further. He took over her mouth again as he finally joined them fully.

Alice gasped at the feel of his hard length filling her, she had dreamed of this moment for so long. Her small arms encircled his neck and she kissed him with all she had as he began to move within her. Her legs wrapped around him and she moved with him as she felt herself approaching her pinnacle of pleasure.

Alice's breath came is gasping gulps and she rasped into his ear. "Oh, Jasper... I love you so much." Just before a keening wail escaped into his hair and she shuddered around him.

Jasper registered his words somewhere in the back of his mind, but his alcohol-infused brain centered on the feel of her hot, clenching sex squeezing him to his climax and he threw his head back and groaned out a name.

"Maria... " Before collapsing on top of Alice's tiny, stunned form.

Alice lay frozen, her heart shattered and barely able to breathe as his limp form crushed her into the mattress. He finally began to stir and rolled off her to flop next to her with a groan.

"God... that was awesome..." He mumbled as he fell into a deep sleep.

Alice stared at the ceiling, heartsick, her mind blank with shock. A lone tear ran down her cheek and she roused herself enough to sit up and swing her legs off the bed. She heard his deep breathing and knew he was out for the night. She looked around and, spotting his discarded shirt, slipped it over her head and made her way to the bathroom.

Moments later, Alice emerged from the bathroom, her dress in her hand, and found her purse, coat and shoes. Vowing not to cry, she went out to her car and made her way home, promising to never lay her eyes on Jasper Whitlock ever again.

Jasper squeezed his eyes as the light from the window tried to pry past his eyelids. He put a hand to his head and groaned, it felt like someone was beating on the top of his head with a hammer. He rolled over and felt something hard under his cheek. Reaching up, he pulled a dark bra out from the tangle of blankets. Puzzled eyes wandered around the room and he tried to think back to last night. His head ached and he decided to figure it out in the shower. He had to get ready to go to his parent's house for New Year's dinner any way.

The hot spray felt wonderful as it hit his aching muscles. He was vigorously shampooing his hair when his mind cleared and the events of last night came rushing back to him. He leaned against the cold tile of the shower in shock. He'd taken Ali to bed, and now she was gone. He put his head in his hands as he remembered her telling him that she loved him and then him calling out Maria's name. God, he was such a prick. Sure he'd been way more than buzzed, but that was no excuse, it was Ali, damn it.

. . . . . . . .

Jasper pounded on the door shouting her name. "Damn it, Ali! Let me in! I need to talk to you!" He jiggled the knob again and wished for the millionth time that he'd asked Alice for a key. He walked around to the side of the house, looking at the windows for a way in. Arriving at the back door, he started pounding again as he tried the knob. _Why wasn't she answering?_Fear clutched at his chest, it wasn't like Ali to not answer the door. His mom and dad had been knocking and calling all morning when she hadn't shown up for brunch. When he'd gotten out of the shower, a message had been waiting from his worried mom.

He'd rushed over, all his hangover symptoms forgotten in response to his mom's panicked voice. Alice's car was parked crookedly in the drive and her purse was laying on the ground next to it. Guilt flooded through him again, how could he have be so selfish?

He pulled his sleeve down over his fist and punched it through the glass on the back door. Reaching in, Jasper unlocked the door and pushed open the door. He stopped to listen and, when he didn't hear anything, he walked through the kitchen and into the living room. He was Ali's coat thrown on the couch along with her dress. Her shoes were on the floor as though she'd kicked them off as she walked, and her keys lay next to one of them.

Jasper ran up the stairs and toward Ali's bedroom. Her door was ajar and it was dark inside. He pushed the door open and saw her laying across the bed on her stomach. She still had his T-shirt on, along with her stockings. He slowly approached the bed and sighed in relief when he heard her breathing.

Reaching out a hand, he shook her shoulder gently. "Ali?" When there was no response, he shook her a little harder. "Ali? Wake up." She still didn't stir so he rolled her over so he could see her face. There was black stuff smeared all over under her eyes and her mouth was slack. Her body was limp and her head lolled to the side. "Alice Brandon, you wake up this minute!" Jasper shouted, fear strangling his voice. He grabbed her up and carried her into the bathroom. He got a cloth off of the shelf and ran it under some cold water, he washed her face off, but she still didn't stir.

"God damn it, Ali! What did you take?" He hollered into her face as he shook her. He looked around the bathroom and spotted the bottle of sleeping pills on the sink. He shook the bottle and was relieved to hear a few pills rattle around inside. Carrying Alice downstairs, he laid her on the couch and wrapped the blanket from the back of the couch around her. He went into the kitchen and got a small glass of cold water and ice.

"Ali! Wake up!" Jasper yelled as he splashed the icy, cold water in her face. Alice gasped and pulled away as the water ran down her face. She opened her eyes to glare at Jasper.

"What the hell, Jas?" She slurred as she shook her head groggily.

Jasper's hands cupped her face and he forced her to look at him. "Ali, my mom and dad have both been over here several times and you wouldn't come to the door. My dad was going to bust it down, but I told him I would come over and see if I could get in." He shook his head, moving to sit next to her on the couch as her head lay back against the couch again. "How many pills did you take, Ali? Tell me."

Alice sat with her eyes closed, hoping that the room would stop spinning. "What do you care?" She snapped irritably. "You're moving to Boston. Maybe you should give Maria that ring and take her with you." Her head lolled against the back of the couch and she just wanted to go back to sleep. She turned her head and cracked her eyes open to look at him through the slits. "Just leave me alone, Jasper. Go to Boston, or wherever the hell you want, and just leave me alone." She saw his eyes widen at her words, but she felt too awful to care.

She closed her eyes again and waited for the blackness envelope her.

"I don't know, Dr. Whitlock. I'd say that she hasn't eaten for several days, and she's severely dehydrated, also." Alice heard an unfamiliar voice as she slowly opened her eyes. The room was dim, but she could make out a faint light coming from the same direction as the voice. She tried to turn her head, but she felt too weak to attempt it. She became aware of a faint beeping sound and realized that she wasn't in her room. Jasper must've taken her to the hospital. She thought as she became more in tune with the sounds and smells around her. She tried to move her hands, but one of them felt funny. She managed to look down and saw that there was a needle in the back of her hand, secured with bandage tape. She followed the tube attached to the needle with her eyes up to a bag hanging on a metal stand. She was being fed intravenously for some reason.

The next time Alice woke up, she didn't know how long she'd been in the hospital, but her head felt a little better and she was able to turn it to look around the room. She spotted a vase of pink roses with a balloon tied to them on the table by the window. The shades were closed, but she could see light creeping in along the edges. Her eyes swept around to the opposite side of the bed. A chair was pulled up close to the bed, but no one was in it. The needle was still in her hand and her skin looked dry and pale.

A sound across the room caused Alice to look toward the door. Jasper grinned when he saw her eyes open and hurried over to her bed. "Ali! It's so good to see you, darlin'." He exclaimed, stroking her cheek with his hand. "I've been so worried."

Alice cleared her throat and tried to swallow, but it was too dry and Jasper held a straw stuck in a styrofoam cup to her lips. She drank greedily of the ice cold water, but then Jasper pulled it away. At her protesting squeak, Jasper warned her. "Dad said not to give you too much if you woke. He said it'd come right back up, Ali."

Alice frowned at him and he chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not going to go against doctor's orders." He told her, trying to smile, but his eyes told her how worried he'd been.

Alice finally managed to whisper a few words. "How long?" She croaked out, watching his face as he answered.

"You've been here for three days." He said quietly, his eyes roaming over her face. "Why'd you do it, Ali?"

She closed her eyes again and sighed, she was so tired. "Do what, Jas?" She felt horrible, she figured she must look horrible, too.

"Take all those sleeping pills." He stated, offering her a little more water. He set the cup down, sat down in the chair and took her hand in his. He looked tired, she thought, her eyes searching his face, wondering what he was talking about.

"Sleeping pills? She mumbled, confused, then she remembered. Her eyes widened as it all came rushing back, the party, his betrayal, her pain. She closed her eyes in misery and turned her head away. "I just wanted to sleep... I was so... tired... "

"Ali, look at me." Jasper commanded. He used his hand to turn her face back to him. "I'm so sorry about New Year's Eve. I'm an ass, I know, but I do love you. I've never been so scared as I have been these last few days. I'm not going to Boston, I'm staying here with you. I love you, I never knew how much until I thought I was going to lose you. I realized that I've loved you for a long time, but I was too afraid of losing you to face it. What if I told you I loved you and you didn't feel the same way? I'd lose you anyway, and I couldn't deal with that."

Tears poured down Alice's face. "Jas... don't... please." She cried, her heart breaking all over again. "You don't have to... I wasn't trying to... kill myself... I just wanted to... forget... for a little while." She shook her head, her eyes shut tight. "Go to Boston... live your dream. I'll be fine... it was an accident. I swear. Please... don't feel guilty."

"Is that what you think? That I would say these things because I feel guilty?" Jasper forced her chin up and her eyes flew open. "Damn it, Ali. I love you. I know you love me, too. I'm trying to be honest with you. Every girl I dated, I compared her to you. I found myself going for girls who were the complete opposite of you because I couldn't face the fact that it was you I wanted. I don't care about Boston. I can have a career here in Milwaukee just as well. I only care about you, Ali."

Her face showed her doubt and Jasper sighed in frustration. He had to convince her that he was the man she'd always thought he was. The man she could trust, could confide in, could count on, could love.

Jasper implored her with his eyes. "How can I convince you that what I'm saying is real? Ali, you of all people know the man I really am. I wouldn't say these things to you if I didn't mean them. If you ever truly loved me, know that I would never purposely hurt you like that."

Alice looked into his eyes, she had to trust herself to know her own heart. "What about Maria? Or Lauren." She heard herself ask.

Jasper's regret was raw as it shone from his face. "I know I've been with a lot of women, Ali, but I've never really loved any of them. I don't know why I called Maria's name when I was with you. Maybe some part of me was rebelling at how I was treating you and so I called out the last name I was with. I don't know, but I was well aware that I was with you, darlin', don't ever doubt that."

"I don't know, Jas... " Alice looked at him with indecision, her lip between her teeth. What if he hurt her again? Should she take the chance? She'd stuck by him for so long, waiting for him to figure out they belonged together, but had she ever really believed it?

"Ali, look into my eyes. I know I've taken you for granted all these years, but I cannot see my future without you in it. I've searched for the right person to spend my life with, and you were right here all the time. I love you, darlin', I realize now that I always have." He looked deep into her eyes, searching for the love he knew was there. "Think about it, Ali, who do I go to when I need someone? Who's door do I bang on, any time of the day or night, when I'm in pain or just need someone to talk to? I always come back to you, darlin'. I just never realized it before. It's always been you."

The truth was staring her in the face, all she had to do was accept it. In her heart she knew that he'd finally figured it what she'd known all along. She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. "Your search is over, Jas, love is right before your eyes."

* * *

'The Search is Over'

by Survivor

How can I convince you,

What you see is real

Who am I to blame you,

For doubting what you feel

I was always reachin',

You were just a girl I knew

I took for granted, the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream,

Loving for a moment

Taking on the world,

That was just my style

Now I look into your eyes,

I can see forever

The search is over,

You were with me all the while

Can we last forever,

Will we fall apart

At times it's so confusing,

These questions of the heart

You followed me through changes,

And patiently you'd wait

'Til I came to my senses through,

Some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream,

Loving for a moment

Taking on the world,

That was just my style

Now I look into your eyes,

I can see forever

The search is over,

You were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me

Loves that I have lost

Broken hearts lie victims of the game

Then good luck, it finally stuck like lightning from the blue

Every highway's leading me back to you

Now at last I hold you,

Now all is said and done

The search has come full circle,

Our destinies are one

So if you ever loved me,

Show me that you give a damn

You'll know for certain

The man I really am

I was living for a dream,

Loving for a moment

Taking on the world,

That was just my style

Then I touched your hand,

I could hear you whisper,

The search is over,

Love was right before my eyes.

~oOo~


End file.
